Now to your question about mistakes made in deep POV. This is something I’ve been struggling with for a long while, but the way you explain things is great.

I’m presently working on a series of chapter books for confident readers aged seven to nine. In chapter books, you can’t use italics for thoughts and I struggled for a while until I found the correct way to write them. Now I’m learning from you how to write in deep POV and I’ve realised how I’ve slipped out of POV in places.

I’m having fun rewriting and editing all my manuscripts and they read so much better with more humour now. I still struggle a little when writing what the MC sees and hears, but I’m getting better of writing without the words, ‘she thought’ she saw, she heard.’ And, I wasn’t even aware I wrote like that before.

I’m also now aware that characters can’t see things through the back of their heads and they don’t notice the colour of their own eyes, but I sometimes struggle with their inner thoughts and end up with narration instead of deep POV. I have to make sure that I think and feel like an eight year old, which isn’t hard for me, but I end up slipping out of deep POV sometimes.

May I be so bold as to give this sample for your advice? Is it in deep POV yet?

“You’re still grounded, Molly.” Her mother headed toward the kitchen.

Molly shuffled behind her. She grabbed the knives and forks out of the drawer and placed them on the table. If only she hadn’t lost her temper and wiped rotten duck eggs on Angela. And why did she have to go and make gobbling sounds at the headmistress? She hadn’t meant it to be so loud. Now she’d miss out on precious time with Furble.

Kate came back to the kitchen and handed Molly a disc. “Here, I’ve copied the photos of Furble for you.”

Molly gave Kate a sad little smile. “Thanks. I won’t get to see Furble anymore. I’m grounded for a week.” Tears clouded her eyes and she ran upstairs to her bedroom. After slamming the door, she threw herself on her bed and punched her pillow. She growled like a grizzly bear, “Grrr.” She wasn’t hungry now.

Trish.