Surprise fix: Telegraphing the pass (or not)

This entry is part 7 of 26 in the series Tension, suspense and surprise

Yesterday, Deb Salisbury left a comment that’s worth discussing (or “foreblogging,” as I’ve heard it):

Sigh. I foreshadow until I’m afraid of telegraphing, but my crit partners complain about not seeing the surprise coming. I’m doing something wrong. ={

Perhaps, perhaps not, Deb. I’ve been there, too. (If one critique partner pegs the killer by page 30 and another says that the surprise reveal was unfulfilling because it wasn’t foreshadowed, which one is right?) Naturally, there are detriments to foreshadowing too heavily:

(You only have to watch 15 seconds to get the message; you don’t have to actually learn the bball technique.)

I watched a movie recently where every time a “little fact” was mentioned, I could see the plot twist they thought they were “foreshadowing.” (“I don’t swim,” says one character. I called it—she was going to fall out of the boat and the lead would have to save her. Took about 30 minutes to get there.) Maybe I’ve just seen too many movies and thought about these things too much, but total predictability is definitely not our goal as writers.

Or, to go back to our basketball analogy:

So, what’s the writing equivalent of a no-look pass? I don’t think a reader has to see a surprise coming. But I think that once the surprise is sprung, readers should be able to remember (ideally) or go back and find the clues you’ve been planted along the way.

In The Plot Thickens, Noah Lukeman gives one example of setting up a surprise—specifically, a secret:

For the secret to be used for suspenseful effect, we have to know there is a secret; Norman Bates’s mother is alluded to in shadowy fragments; in Casablanca Ilsa flat out reveals there is something she cannot tell Rick; in the whodunits, we know from the long looks the staff exchange with each other that someone is not saying something. (137)

Conversely, some surprises don’t actually have to be heavily foreshadowed: if you really can’t foreshadow because none of the POV characters have enough information or interactions to come across foreshadowing, or if the surprise is a complicating incident of a level of conflict.

Again, predictability is not a virtue in most storytelling. It’s not a bad thing to surprise your readers. But it is a delicate balance with foreshadowing and betrayal. Make sure your readers have all the pieces your characters do—but beating your readers over the head with the coming surprise is a good way to ruin it.

What do you think? What’s good foreshadowing for a surprise?

Series NavigationConflict and suspense in structure: Act IKeeping the suspense in the middle of your structure

3 thoughts on “Surprise fix: Telegraphing the pass (or not)”

  1. I just re-wrote a scene and added some foreshadowing:

    “Come on, where is it,” muttered the figure.

    We don’t know what she’s looking for in the dark. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

    Then later in the same scene
    “…Prudencia, this is your–” She stopped herself and glanced at Viola who shook her head. “Yes. This is your…new friend Viola. Viola, this is my niece Prudencia”

    Why the hesitation? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.
    Although unless I can figure out something important for her to be searching for, I may drop the first part.

  2. Oh! Oh! You need something for her to look for? Try my MacGuffin Generator!! (The item doesn’t actually have to be significant in itself, especially if we spend very little time worrying over it.)

  3. I think the foreshadowing has to be in thin layers. I agree about movies though, more and more I can see what’s happening way before it happens. It must be the writer in me because I’ll tell my husband, “I know what they’re going to do.” and he’ll say, “You do?”
    Studying all of those foreshadowing techniques really clues you in when someone uses them.

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