We’ve all met people with funny names. I have a friend whose mother-in-law’s name is Lynn Lynne. I played a prank on a friend once, claiming I was going to marry someone with the last name Gordon (and my first name is Jordan, remember?). And of course, my father shares a name with a very famous early US statesman.

In real life, these humorous names often happen by accident (especially if you’re a woman). My dad’s mother, for example, had already picked out Dad’s name before she met my grandfather and thus learned what last name her children would have. (It was the name of her favorite mule…)

In fictional worlds, we get to pick all our characters’ names—so hopefully, we get to avoid these embarrassing “nom” pas . . . but only if we’re really thinking.

Sometimes we choose funny or odd names on purpose. I chose the last name of Saint for one of my characters because it set up a number of jokes. I named another character Molly Malone for the same reason. (Poor characters…) Of course, for Molly, I had to explain how she came to have that unfortunate name. Same went for the tongue-twistery Cora Warren.

And sometimes . . . well, we’re just not smart enough to realize what we’ve done at first. For example, I once had a character with the first name Kent. I needed a nice strong surname for the guy, so in the next scene, he became Mr. Clark. It was a little while before I put the names together.

Kent . . . Clark.


Uh. Yeah. (His last name became Thornton soon thereafter. Borrowed from someone I knew IRL.)

And my most recent character naming accidents came in my Nano novel. Just before another book was accepted, by coincidence I wrote one of my villains sharing a surname with my editor. (It was not a coincidence that another villain shared the same editor’s first name. I changed that.) But the biggie was the hero—and you know how hard it is to change the hero’s name!

Most of the time, it wasn’t a problem. He went by Jack, a nickname from his last name, Jackson. (Which set up some jokes, too, of course. This trend is becoming disturbing.) It was a great name for him.

And I thought his first name was perfect, too. Kerr. (It was a drug store and a lake where I grew up, and my dad had a friend named Kerr when he was a kid. Not that I ever knew him, but I knew it could be a given name.)

If you haven’t seen the problem yet, let me tell you: when his real first name came up, this character often had specify either the spelling or the pronunciation. Let me treat you to a now-defunct conversation from the novel: in this scene, their car has been reported stolen and is about to be towed.

They hurried across the street, Jack trying to compose his thoughts so he could pull this off. The stunned disbelief and confusion wouldn’t be too tough, but the innocence would be a stretch. [They have something stolen in the trunk. Which, sadly, will also end up on the cutting room floor.]

“Whoa whoa whoa,” he said, jogging up to the officer. “Is there a problem here?”

“Is this your vehicle, sir?”

“Yeah. Did I park illegally? The sign says no parking Monday to Friday.” Jack pointed to the sign. [It's Sunday.]

“No, sir. This car has been reported as stolen.”

“No, no—no. This is my car. It has been for seven years.” Unless his brother had changed the registration into his name when Jack left home—but still, it should all check out.

The cop raised an eyebrow and read something off the clipboard in front of him. “License plate 267 VAP?”

He nodded. “All me.”

“Registered to Kerr Halsey Jackson.”

“It’s pronounced ‘car.’ As in, ‘This is my car.’”

The cop folded his arms. “I’m going to need to see some ID.”

So what’s the problem?

His name is Kerr Jackson. Pronounced Car Jackson. Let me try that again: pronounced CAR JACKson.

I realized this two days before I finished the novel. He got a new first name—but I’m definitely going to reuse Kerr. Maybe with the last name . . . Hop?

All right, top my stories: what are the craziest, funniest or silliest things you’ve named characters, on purpose or by accident? Did you change them?

Photo credits: Superman by Greenog; car jack by Cameron Flanders

Okay, yes, (hooray!) I have a book coming out (in a while). But I just like to make covers.

So this is NOT OFFICIAL, NOT MY REAL BOOK COVER, JUST SOMETHING I DID FOR FUN, but I made a book cover. Because I can.

Just what I need for that little extra burst of motivation and inspiration for the next round of edits!

This is the book that was accepted, coming out next year. It is not an official cover. It’s not even the official title. (If you want, you can read more about the LDS FBI agent undercover as a Catholic priest in the excerpt from the first chapter.)

The actors here are physical models I (loosely) used for my characters, although they’re still a few years older than my characters are. Not too bad, since they started out ten to fifteen years older. But Photoshop (well, Paint.net) can only do so much.

Altar photo (behind the title) by H. W. Morse

It’s the Halloween Scarefest! Post a scene, 400 words of less, of a character who’s afraid (and see the blogfest post) to join in!

This scene is from Façade (you can read the award-winning first chapter here), about two-thirds of the way through the novel.

Setting the scene: Katya Mikhailova is the Soviet cultural attaché in Paris. After she was injured in a bombing, she briefly worked with the police and an American liaison for her own reasons—but she gave them a false name so they wouldn’t know about her position at the embassy. Now she’s tricked them into returning her to the embassy before they could find out her identity.

But the American isn’t letting her get away that easily.

Please note this is basically an unedited rough draft!

As soon as the door latched behind me, a deep sense of unease sent my stomach plummeting. The hair at the nape of my neck stood at attention. Something wasn’t right here. Everything looked the same as when I left, but there was something I couldn’t put my finger on that put me on my guard, a sharp edge to the air.

And then the hand clamped over my mouth.

My heart froze. I could almost see myself ready to lash out with elbows and hands and feet—but I forced myself to breathe through the panic. Thinking clearly was the only thing that could get me away from this attacker, not blind luck.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was a shade above a whisper. Frank.

My heartbeat redoubled, but still I fought off the urge to fight back. He hadn’t hurt me yet, and he’d just said he wasn’t planning to. No reason to change that by trying to use force.

I shook my head to free my mouth, and Frank moved his hand a centimeter. I stared straight ahead, unwilling to turn and look at him. I spiked my tone with sarcasm. “What took you so long?”

“You’re going to have to explain yourself,” he said.

“Explain what? That I couldn’t trust you to keep me safe anymore?”

“No, not that, Miss Mikhailova.”

The chill of danger in the air finally leached into my veins. I looked to the mirror above the vanity. My lips were still stained red from the beet borshch, but the rest of my face was as pallid as death.

He’d found out the truth and he’d come here to kill me.

Picture by Valentin Serov

So we’re getting ready for NaNo. (Well, I am. Some of you are.) Usually I get to know my characters in the process of writing. I see them act and react to get to know them best. Several people in the comments agreed.

But of course with NaNo, we’re not allowed to write Word One on our novel until November 1. How are we supposed to get to know our characters and see them in action before then? So I was thinking about a fun way for all of us to get to know our characters better.

What you have to do:
Email me at jordan at jordanmccollum.com (spelling counts!) with the following information by the end of Wednesday, October 26, 2011.

• Character’s vitals: name, gender, age, pertinent family info, etc.—as of the start of your novel
• Types of external/internal conflict your character will face in your novel
• Maybe a little about your antagonist: what are his/her good qualities? Why doesn’t s/he like your protagonist?
• Themes of your novel (if you know)
• A little info about you: would you rather collaborate on a project with a small or larger group? Do you prefer Google Docs or email? What time(s) are you typically online?

And we’ll play a little game. (NOT on the blog, or anywhere else public, don’t worry.)

Photo by Tom Olliver

Lately I’ve been toying with an idea in a genre I’d never wanted to write. One I came close to swearing I’d never bother with. But now I’m digging into the research, writing down ideas, and trying to develop an outline for this project.

In non fiction.

Weird, huh?

While the standards of good sentences and structure still apply at a high level, non fiction is such a different ballgame. I don’t know if I’m ready for this—or if I can go through with it.

What do you think? Would you ever write non fiction? What would be the biggest challenge for you in non-fiction?