When we get bad advice, there’s usually some obligation to respond in some way, to acknowledge the feedback. No matter how bad the advice is, it’s important to remain professional—and not do something you’ll regret later.

Don’t react

The initial slap-in-the-face sting will fade. Okay, it may not—but the first minute you read something that’s just prima facie all wrong isn’t the best time to jump on it. Give it a few minutes; go have some chocolate if necessary.

If this is an in-person setting, now is a good time to nod. Narrow your eyes a little if you want, but anything more than that is probably a little rude. (The eye narrowing nod can look like either disbelief or sage acceptance.)

Weigh it out

This phrasing comes from Josi Kilpack. She points out that no matter how off-base a comment may seem, there may be a kernel of truth in it. Somewhere. And who knows, maybe—just maybe—they were right after all.

I should add here that fortunately I’ve been a victim of this one, too. My favorite example here is when a critique partner suggested I add a scene near the beginning of the book. I hemmed and hawed over this privately—until the scene started playing out in my mind. It was so entertaining—and just like she said, solved so many problems—that I just had to write it, just to see what it’d look like. (And when I still liked the finished product, I stuck it in there.)

Be gracious

Finally, no matter whether you got a hundred great ideas to revolutionize and revitalize your story—or just got the general idea that this person is clueless—be sure to thank them. This person didn’t have to take time out to read your work and try to help you, albeit unsuccessfully.

Thank them. If possible, tell them how their comments helped you. If that’s not possible (and sometimes it’s just not), still thank them. Sometimes, that’s all you’ll be able to do—while in some settings, it’s appropriate to discuss and clarify feedback (while not arguing), in others, that’s just not appropriate or even possible. So thank them and move on.

What’s your biggest challenge in reacting to feedback?

Photo credit: Neils van Kampenhout

When we’re first learning to write and we turn to others for feedback and guidance, we’re eager to get their help. After all, the people we turn to are knowledgeable and kind and so much better versed in the ways of publishing, right?

Right?

Well, when we’re first learning, yeah, the people we turn to will probably be more knowledgeable and their advice will help us improve our writing. And sometimes, even the good, kind things they say can be hard to hear.

But sometimes, they have no clue what they’re talking about.

Advice is one of those things it is far more blessed to give than to receive.

—Carolyn Wells

I think we’ve all been there: we get some piece of advice—from a crit partner, from an editor, from a total stranger—that just doesn’t work for our story.

Maybe I’m not unique, but I’ve gotten quite a bit of off-the-wall, mean-spirited or flat-out wrongheaded advice in the last few years. My favorite . . . well, it’s hard to choose, but I do have a special place in my heart for the “tip” to kill off my murderer in the opening scene. Or the one piece of advice designed to “solve” a problem (when really, the real problem with this section was the exact opposite), that instead destroyed the tension of the entire story and introduced a major continuity and factual issue. And then there was the person who consistently demanded I add details—ones that were already there, just a few lines before their comments.

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.

—G.K. Chesterton

I hope I don’t have to tell you I didn’t follow that advice.

So this week, we’ll talk about how to deal with all kinds of bad advice—from the ill-intentioned to the “Are we reading the same thing?” kind—and how to move past it.

What’s the worst piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?

Photo credit: Rachel Sian