Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes and entered my birthday giveaway! Here are the lucky winners!
#1
Variant by Robison Wells (hardcover)
#2
Carrier of the Mark by Leigh Fallon (paperback)
#3
Fool Me Twice by Stephanie Black (Kindle)
I’ll be emailing the winners to get delivery information today!
The following is gore-free
The weekend before my second LDStorymakers Conference, I stared into the mirror and asked myself the hard questions. I was facing my second conference in a row with the same manuscript, and nothing else to show for it. Was this storyline (an LDS FBI agent who has to go undercover as a Catholic priest) simply too controversial/silly/out there for these regional/LDS publishers to touch with a ten-foot pole? Had I wasted the last year on a book that will never, ever sell? Was this even the direction I want my career to go?
I didn’t have any answers.
At the conference, I was stunned—STUNNED—when my first chapter took first place in the Mystery/Suspense category. A friend happened to be coordinating the contest, and she later told me I’d been a very strong contender for the overall prize, too. That would have been cool, but no cooler or more useful than the prize I ended up with: a get-out-of-the-slush-pile-free card to two regional/LDS publishers, my exact market.
But that sweet little tidbit was small consolation. Immediately after the prizes were announced, I was sitting at my table, still shaking with excitement, when one of the editors I was supposed to submit to with my GOOTSPF card sought me out.
This editor had read and loved my first chapter so much that she looked up my rejected manuscript in their system. She dug out the digital copy and read it. She loved several aspects of the novel—the plot idea, the Irish culture incorporated, the characters.
And then, although she was truly acting out of the kindness of her heart and concern for me, she kicked my teeth in.
“Don’t submit that manuscript.”
Okay. Yeah. The manuscript was rejected, for good reasons, and I knew why. I tried to explain that I’d really revamped the manuscript based on the feedback, and the new first chapter reflected those changes.
One page from the first chapter, showing the changes from the original submitted version up to the version right before this conference.
Eventually, the editor hesitantly said she’d like to see the revised version. But it definitely seemed like she didn’t want me to waste my GOOTSPF card on that book.
My confidence was completely shot. That first place certificate, and even my friend’s news about the overall award, felt like the booby prize. I spend the last sessions of the conference sitting in classes, trying not to text my husband (really bad manners and he had no reception anyway), and fighting back tears.
Those questions I’d asked myself before the conference now had answers. And they weren’t the ones I wanted to hear.
However, I am a very contrary person. It didn’t take very long for my brain to morph that into a challenge. I was going to make this book COMPLETELY IRRESISTIBLE. I’d make it sparkle so bright they’d need sunglasses to open the attachment. I’d make it perfect.
I was going to need more secret sauce.
What do you think? Have you ever had the jaws of defeat chomp down on your victory? How do you bounce back after a disappointment? Come share!
A couple weeks ago, we looked at misplaced modifiers\. One of my favorite examples allegedly comes from a medical transcription (but I’ve also seen it credited to a 
police blotter):
A man was bitten by a bat walking down the street on his thumb.
Modifiers—adjectives, adverbs, prepositional phrases, even participial phrases—should usually come as close to the word they’re modifying as they can. While we can (eventually) figure out the man was bitten on his thumb, that sentence says he was “walking down the street on his thumb.” (In fact, it says the bat was walking down the street on his thumb. The bat’s? The man’s? The world may never know!)
So we looked at some examples of dangling & misplaced modifiers—but sometimes it’s a heck of a lot easeire to learn with the answers, right?
There are multiple correct answers to all these.
The Problem: Okay, this was was a little ambiguous because we used pronouns. There are only supposed to be two people involved in this sentence, “her” and “her brother.” Here’s what I was going for:
Sensing her brother was about to pounce is supposed to be modifying “her.” What is she doing? Sensing (something). If she’s doing the sensing in the first clause, she’s supposed to be the subject of the second clause.
Instead (what I intended), the next clause is he bent his knees. Suddenly the brother is the subject of the sentence. Was he the one sensing he was about to pounce on her? Of course not.
The Fix: when we rephrase this, we need to make her the subject of the sentence, or get rid of the first clause altogether. Possibilities:
(Now, if you thought “he” was a third party, that might be a different story.)
The Problem: The way this is phrased, their conversation took place yesterday (okay). The conversation might have been yesterday while she was doing dishes on the sidewalk. Or she might be standing there doing dishes on the sidewalk today. Either way, dishes on the sidewalk?
The Fix: First, we have to decide how things actually happened. Here are some possible scenarios:
Now, if she’s actually doing dishes on the sidewalk . . .
The “while” is a big helper, too! But if you stick it in the original sentence—oy! He couldn’t believe she was standing there after their conversation yesterday while doing the dishes on the sidewalk. It clears up the ambiguity, but I don’t think that’s the meaning we want—their conversation was yesterday while they were on the sidewalk, doing dishes?
The Problem: Remember that modifiers generally come closest to what they’re modifying—and at the beginning of a sentence, this is always the case. Grammatically speaking, this construction actually says the father was seven years old when he told him (the son) the truth. A bit young for fatherhood, eh?
Yes, a reader can figure out that we mean the son was seven here, but sensitive readers and grammarians will be pulled out of the story. Plus, do you want someone to have to “figure out” your meaning?
The Fix is pretty straightforward.
Now, someone who is purposefully trying to misread your sentence might take that as ambiguous or misplaced, but it’s now closest to “him.” And honestly, if someone is purposefully trying to misread your writing, they’re probably not the best person for the job of a critique partner or editor?
The Problem: Again, it’s that initial first element. It modifies the subject of the sentence. The subject here is “the horror,” so this construction means the horror was running from the scene.
This story definitely has my attention . . .
The Fix: as always, is to move the elements around to get the modifier closest to what it’s modifying. This means either moving it or changing the subject of the sentence:
(I forget the rest of the sentence, but that was an actual commercial. Agh!)
The Problem: This construction, once again, makes mayor of Park City = people. And yes, humans are mayors of Park City, but usually not collectively and simultaneously.
The Fix: Move! those! modifiers!
Note that the second solution is (gasp!) passive voice. While it’s usually something to be avoided we want to avoid, passive voice does have an actual, grammatical function and a useful place in the language.
(Another actual commercial)
The Problem: At 26 ounces, you’ll have more problems than how much to drink. That’s taking the dieting a bit far, don’t you think?
The Fix:
Thank you, Groucho.
The Problem: This is obviously quite intentional. If you want to set up a joke this way, go for it!
The Fix ruins the joke, but here you go:
The Problem: Finally we’re moving away from the initial modifiers to the final ones. These can still be tricky! Here, which had begun to crack comes closest to our heavy boots. It’s not much of a stretch to say they’re both part of the prepositional phrase—which means that the boots are the only candidates for cracking.
While that’s a problem, it’s probably not the right problem for the writer.
The Fix: Move that modifier! Here we can collapse the phrase into a single word, maybe a hyphenation:
If you’ve got a problem with the last one, I suggest studying up on metonymy. And if that doesn’t help, you’d probably enjoy Dr. Seuss’s story about haunted pants, “What Was I Afraid Of?”
(Actual news article.)
The Problem: Um, not sure what the problem was, but whatever it was, her family shot her to death over it.
Possibly that’s what they meant. Probably it isn’t.
The Fix:
There are lots more.
(Actual news article.)
The Problem: The initial element, nearly six months after taking office, modifies the subject of the sentence—but the tricky thing here is that good ol’ Bev is not the subject of the sentence—her political honeymoon is.
The Fix: drop that possessive and make sure the governor is the subject of the sentence, or rephrase.
Why does the second one work? That little change from “taking” to “she took.” The “taking” is clearly dependent on the subject of the sentence (originally her political honeymoon), while “she took” has its own subject.
(Actual news article.)
The Problem: the so-called “Halo killer” is now a parent.
Also, two as’s in the same sentence?
The Fix: Do we need “as a parent” at all?
(Same article as the previous.)
The Problem: This one is so convoluted that it may be a little hard to see the problem. (Were it not for the other dangling modifier from the same example, I’d say the reporter just got a little lost in this sentence.)
Okay. Let’s simplify this a little by taking out some of the modifiers that are getting in the way of the problem. The first clause of the sentence begins After grounding her grandson, Allen Gann. Allen Gann = grandson, so we’ll drop the appositive, and the prepositional phrases we’ll ignore for right now:
After grounding her grandson . . . , he sat down and played.
This goes back to the same problem as #1. Unless there’s some other “he” here (Grandpa?) who sat down and played after grounding the female third person POV character’s grandson, we’re all messed up.
The Fix: Make grandma the subject of the sentence, or make the grandson the subject of the initial dependent clause:
Much better!
Work better on paper? Download the original worksheet as a PDF and print! Can’t get enough? Lots more examples to play with!
Photo credits: tools—HomeSpot HQ, dirty dishes—Teresia;elephant—Roger; video games—w?odi
Emotion is vital to fiction. Without emotion, our books can read like bad history textbooks: a log of who did what, where, and when. Some history stories are moving enough to catch our imagination, but those are rare.
If we want our readers to care about our stories—our characters—we have to grab our readers (and our characters) by the emotions.
This is something I’ve had to work hard on in my fiction. I’ve usually run under the assumption that my readers could infer how my character felt. Until I got that dreaded feedback: “This scene drags. It’s boring.”
Boring? Boring?! I thought. Can’t you see the emotional turmoil she must be in? The moral dilemma this puts her in?
Um, no, they couldn’t—because I didn’t put it in there. For all they could tell, the character didn’t care. She was impassively watching the scene unfold, or participating without any trouble. Setting up a situation just isn’t enough: you have to show how that situation affects the character as it unfolds, or we’ll have to assume it’s not.
Compare:
Andrica grabbed the rope with both hands. She stared at the ground thirty feet below her. Her palms slipped a little.
She looked up. Above her, footsteps echoed across the rooftop she’d jumped from. They were going to come after her any minute.
But she could get out of this. She had to. She just needed to think.
No, she needed to act.
She’s in a pretty precarious situation—but do we really care about the outcome?
Andrica grabbed the rope with both hands. Her heart beat in her throat, but the thrill of triumph quickly faded. She dared to peek at the ground below. It should have been only thirty feet down, but her vision swirled dizzyingly. Her stomach plummeted and her clammy palms slipped a fraction of an inch.
She willed herself to look up. Above her, footsteps echoed across the rooftop she’d jumped from. They were going to come after her any minute. Adrenaline sang in her veins, making coherent thought impossible.
But she could get out of this. This time, she had to. Andrica forced a deep breath into her lungs. She just needed to think.
No, Aryn needed her—he needed his mother. She had to act. Now.
Now, not only do we watch what she experiences, but we know what she feels. And if the author does it right, we feel what she feels. And that‘s the way to creating powerful characters and stories.
I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of getting emotions right in fiction. My top eight reads on emotion in fiction, from blog posts to books:
Even more resources on emotion!
Emotion is how we get into our readers’ hearts. Emotion can take our book from “well written” to “captivating.” We read for an experience, and emotion is the best way to convey that experience. In fact, it is the experience.
What do you think? How do you like your emotion in fiction? Come share!
Photo by Steve Ventress
So I’ve got some catching up to do with some of my favorite authors. But that’s not all that’s on my reading list this month!
With a Name like Love by Tess Hilmo
When Ollie’s daddy, the Reverend Everlasting Love, pulls their travel trailer into Binder to lead a three-day revival, Ollie knows that this town will be like all the others they visit—it is exactly the kind of nothing Ollie has come to expect. But on their first day in town, Ollie meets Jimmy Koppel, whose mother is in jail for murdering his father. Jimmy insists that his mother is innocent, and Ollie believes him. Still, even if Ollie convinces her daddy to stay in town, how can two kids free a grown woman who has signed a confession? Ollie’s longing for a friend and her daddy’s penchant for searching out lost souls prove to be a formidable force in this tiny town where everyone seems bent on judging and jailing without a trial.
This book has the honor of winning two Whitney Awards last May (Best Young Adult and Best Novel by a New Author), and I was fortunate enough to get to co-present one of those awards. Seems like it’s about time I caught up with this one!
I Am Not A Serial Killer by Dan Wells
John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous, and he knows it.
He’s spent his life doing his best not to live up to his potential.
He’s obsessed with serial killers, but really doesn’t want to become one. So for his own sake, and the safety of those around him, he lives by rigid rules he’s written for himself, practicing normal life as if it were a private religion that could save him from damnation.
Dead bodies are normal to John. He likes them, actually. They don’t demand or expect the empathy he’s unable to offer. Perhaps that’s what gives him the objectivity to recognize that there’s something different about the body the police have just found behind the Wash-n-Dry Laundromat—and to appreciate what that difference means.
Now, for the first time, John has to confront a danger outside himself, a threat he can’t control, a menace to everything and everyone he would love, if only he could.
Another Whitney Award–winner I need to catch up with. I’m a little hesitant since horror is really not my thing, but I can give it a shot, right?
If it doesn’t work out, I have a backup plan:
Partials by Dan Wells
The human race is all but extinct after a war with Partials—engineered organic beings identical to humans—has decimated the population. Reduced to only tens of thousands by RM, a weaponized virus to which only a fraction of humanity is immune, the survivors in North America have huddled together on Long Island while the Partials have mysteriously retreated. The threat of the Partials is still imminent, but, worse, no baby has been born immune to RM in more than a decade. Our time is running out.
Kira, a sixteen-year-old medic-in-training, is on the front lines of this battle, seeing RM ravage the community while mandatory pregnancy laws have pushed what’s left of humanity to the brink of civil war, and she’s not content to stand by and watch. But as she makes a desperate decision to save the last of her race, she will find that the survival of humans and Partials alike rests in her attempts to uncover the connections between them—connections that humanity has forgotten, or perhaps never even knew were there.
My sister gave this to my husband for Christmas, so it’s just waiting for me!
Second Chances by Melanie Jacobson
After walking out of a thankless job at a prestigious marketing firm, feisty California entrepreneur Louisa Gibson is going into business for herself. Lou’s pioneering venture, The Mormon Bachelor, is a reality dating web series sure to be fabulous advertising for her new marketing firm. And as a bonus, she can solve a problem close to home: while Huntington Beach is crawling with eligible, sun-bronzed Saints, they’ve forgotten the vital skill of dating. Lou hopes the reality show will finally inspire this group of hangout enthusiasts to pair off. But shortly before filming begins, the unthinkable happens—Trentyn, a.k.a. The Bachelor, gets a girlfriend. And Lou needs a new leading man—fast.
Enter Nick, Lou’s devastatingly handsome ex-boyfriend. He’s the stereotypical actor: shallow, self-serving . . . and perfect for the job. A whirlwind of dating ensues, with Nick at the center of it all. Things are going according to plan—that is, until Lou is forced to step in as a substitute bachelorette, becoming an unwitting cast member on her own show. Despite Nick’s attempts to reestablish their friendship and the growing spark between them, Lou is determined to keep her distance. The show must go on—but what’s a girl to do when the Mr. Wrong of the past just may be the Mr. Right of the future?
I’m two books behind on Melanie? Yikes!
And another friend I’m way behind on!
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by Annette Lyon |
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| After a bitter divorce from her unfaithful husband, Paige moves from Utah to California with her two little boys and vows to make a fresh start. She finds a job at a dental practice that helps her get back on her feet, but it’s the friends she makes at her new book club who help her realize how strong she is and who give her support to carry on as she faces the challenges of being a single mom. She also meets Derryl, a wonderful, kind, attentive man who treats her right—something her ex never did. Yet, Paige struggles to figure out who she is as a woman rather than a wife, how to help her boys adjust to a broken home, and whether she can ever trust a man or love again. As Paige leans on the book club ladies and Derryl’s ever-present care, one thing becomes clear: healing from the past requires more than a change of address. | Five women became fast friends when their husbands were deployed to Afghanistan. But as they welcome the soldiers home, what should be a joyful time soon becomes painful. Kim, who had a baby while her husband was away, knows how to be a mother but has forgotten how to be a wife. Nora, accustomed to taking care of herself during the long years of her husband’s absence, resents having to forfeit her independence. Jess’s already troubled marriage turns dangerous, while Brenda struggles to manage her husband,s psychological trauma. And Marianne faces her crushing loss, compounded with worry over wayward children. Each woman must draw upon her bond of friendship and faith to find the strength, courage, and insight needed to move forward, proving that even the hardest of trials cannot break this loyal band of sisters. |
So that’s 10 books so far. . . . Must! Read! More!
What are you reading? Any recommendations?
I’ve had a secret WIP in progress for several months (well, okay, I mentioned her on Twitter a bit), and even though she was a little later than we expected, she came just in time to make my 30th birthday the best ever!
2 April 2013
We’re all doing well!
I’ve worked hard to build up a backlog of blog posts, so I’m hoping we’ll be able to continue as normal here while I take a bit of a maternity leave/reading break. (And no, you didn’t miss anything—I was saving this as a surprise for the Internetz. Oh, and as a reminder: this is #4 for us. And yes, I did the same thing with #3. Pathological, I guess.)
I use the first Friday of the month as my writing goal accountability here—come join in!
So for March, I set some lofty goals to conquer as part of the March-a-thon I ran for my writers’ support/education group. Here’s my progress report:
I was also able to keep up with my critique partners, which was actually quite the feat this month. (I forgive you 😉 )
Though on any given day, it felt like these lofty goals were completely unattainable, I actually accomplish quite a bit! The daily pep talks from my group and our live chats & Twitter #marchathon Saturdays were a big help.
Lesson of the month: no matter how long it took in the past, everything can take longer than you expect.
After pushing myself very hard, I’m giving myself a break. So in April, I’m hoping to:
It sounds like a lot, but I’m hoping to limit myself to one or two tasks a day (not including reading; that’s not a task!).
Anticipated lesson of the month: sleep is really important.
How did you do in March? What do you hope to accomplish in April? Come share!
I’m excited today to help my friend Donna K. Weaver with her cover reveal! Her clean adventure romance, A Change of Plans is coming June 1 from Rhemalda Publishing.
About the book
When Lyn sets off on her supposedly uncomplicated and unromantic cruise, she never dreams it will include pirates. All the 25-year-old, Colorado high school teacher wants to do is forget that her dead fiancé was a cheating scumbag. Lyn plans a vacation diversion; fate provides Braedon, an intriguing surgeon. She finds herself drawn to him: his gentle humor, his love of music, and even his willingness to let her take him down during morning karate practices. Against the backdrop of the ship’s make-believe world and temporary friendships, her emotions come alive.
However, fear is an emotion, too. Unaware of the sensitive waters he’s navigating, Braedon moves to take their relationship beyond friendship–on the very anniversary Lyn is on the cruise to forget. Lyn’s painful memories are too powerful, and she runs from Braedon and what he has to offer.
Their confusing relationship is bad enough, but when the pair finds themselves on one of the cruise’s snorkeling excursions in American Samoa things get worse. Paradise turns to piracy when their party is kidnapped and Lyn’s fear of a fairytale turns grim. Now she must fight alongside the man she rejected, first for their freedom and then against storms, sharks, and shipwreck.
And here’s the cover!
The book trailer
Donna’s son wrote an original song featured in the book trailer!
About the Author
Donna K. Weaver is a Navy brat who joined the Army and has lived in Asia and Europe. Because she sailed the Pacific three times as a child, she loves cruising and wishes she could accrue enough vacation time to do more of it with her husband.
At fifty, Donna decided to study karate and earned her black belt in Shorei Kempo.
After recording city council minutes for twenty years, Donna decided to write something a little longer and with a lot more emotion–and kissing.
Donna and her husband reside in Utah, they have six children and eight grandchildren who live all over the world.
You can add the book on GoodReads, like Donna on Facebook or like Rhemalda Publishing, and look for A Change of Plans June 1!
