For some reason, the bad advice—from the mean-spirited to the what-the-crap?!—seems to stay with us so much longer than the good advice. It’s seldom the encouragement or praise that comes ringing back to us in the dark, still hours of the night.
Add to this the fact that I have an obsessive personality, and I’ve taken dwelling on bad advice to a whole new level. Even for stuff that’s flat-out all wrong for my story, I think about it for months on end before I can finally move on and maybe even laugh at how terrible it (and I) was.
For the stuff that’s just off-base, it’s annoying. But for the things that come with that extra note of spite, it’s even harder. This is why I’ve come up with my coping mechanisms—if two other people agree with me, if I can just laugh at it sooner (and laugh at myself), then maybe I can move on faster, right?
Yeah, it’s not so much working—though sometimes when my mind wanders back into the Forest of Remember How Much You Suck?, I can smile.
And then I read the praise-filled emails from my biggest fan/critique partner that I have taped on my wall. (No, seriously—I highly recommend doing this! It’s like getting a big hug every time you read them!)
So, in the spirit of the year dying in the night, how can we let our criticism-fed insecurities (or just the memories of the criticism) fade with it?
Photo credit: Omar
I actually print off the bad comments or reviews and burn them. There’s some satisfaction in watching those words turn to ash. I have a harder time forgetting the bad stuff if I let it just sit there, burning it is a final “Oh yeah?” thing. I took the worst crit I ever had one that I paid for and they not only ripped what they read to shreds they didnt even bother finishing reading it, and put the ashes of that one in a baggie and hung it on my wall. That was very satisfactory.
Like you, I print the good things and hang them on the wall and when I need that boost I re-read them.
I have to say that I’ve never received any really hurtful advice so I don’t end up with the desire to crawl into the woodwork or conversely scream retaliatory comments. Negative criticism is a lot like a rejection letter… I glean what I can from it and try to remember that it’s someone’s opinion of my writing, not of me personally. I have a binder in which I keep all comments, positive or negative, and when I’m finished evaluating the criticism I file it away. I suppose getting rid of the negative ones would be satisfying, but keeping everything gives me a more balanced record of my development as a writer. Of course, some day when I have multiple books published (you’ll notice I said ‘when’ and not ‘if’… thinking positively here!) I’ll probably laugh at the collection and toss it out.
I do the opposite of Michelle–I print off all the good stuff and save it in a binder. Then when I’m losing my mind and thinking I’m a moron for even attempting this writing gig, I can pull it out and remember that some people out there liked what I’ve already done.