Today (Apr 2) is my birthday! I may or may not be around, but I thought it would be fun (and, okay, easy) to participate in another blogfest today, sharing my first page.
Of course, I’ve shared the first page to Saints and Spies a bunch of times—and I used to have the first seven pages here on the site. (What the heck, I’ll post them again for a little while—like I said, it’s my birthday!)
This is a pretty rough draft—I’ve only shown it to one beta reader—but here’s the first page of the book I’m calling Saints and Agents.
Surveillance. Special Agent Zach Saint shifted against the hard gray upholstery. Two hours and thirty-seven minutes of sitting in the car, staring at nothing—and then the pair stepped out of the building down the block. The target. He reached for the keys in the ignition. “Eyes on.”
Next to him, Special Agent Xavier Cason peered through his camera’s viewfinder. “Isn’t that your . . . Molly?”
Zach grabbed binoculars and followed Xavier’s line of sight. Green coat, dark curls, tall. She stopped, dismayed, and turned back to the target couple. 
Though she wasn’t “his” anymore, it was definitely Molly.
After she’d abruptly dumped him six months ago, Zach knew he’d probably run into Molly again. But he didn’t think the first time would be on the job—and especially not while she was talking to suspected terrorists.
“You drive.” Zach reached for the door handle.
Xavier caught Zach’s sleeve without taking his eyes from his camera. “Do not approach, Z.”
“She’s three months out of Quantico—I can’t just leave her out there.” He knocked X’s hand away and stepped out of the car into the sharp cold. He needed a cover.
He paused at the street vendor on the corner to buy two pretzels—and buy himself one more minute to come up with an identity, someone with a right to cut in on their conversation.
The target couple was too busy chatting to notice his approach. “So,” said Grace, “are ya seein’ anyone, Molly love?”
Zach slung an arm around Molly’s shoulders. He finally settled on a cover—deep South. “Here ya go, darlin,” he drawled.
Molly looked up at him with her deep blue eyes and only hesitated a moment before smiling and accepting one of his pretzels. Good recovery.
Zach offered the target couple his now-free hand. “Jason Tolliver. Molly’s fiancé.”
Nice.
BTW Happy Birthday! (I haven’t been online in days)
This is done pretty well. I’m wondering if you can heighten the tension by not revealing their real relationship, and making it a twist a little later.
Also a little light on setting…not quite picturing the scene.
Great start though, I want to read more!
BTW your linky links to the wrong post…maybe that’s why you didn’t get more comments. 🙁
This would be a sequel, so I thought it was important to slip in just that one little sentence so as not to confuse people who’d read a book that ended with them getting together. Otherwise, totally. (And it might be possible to rewrite it as a standalone, in which case—great point!)
And yeah, I realized it was the wrong post when I started getting comments on that one. I added a little note, but 🙁 indeed.
*Happy Birthday!*
I hope you had a great one, Jordan. You must be an Aries, like me. 🙂 It’s my birthday in two days.
I love your first chapter. Sounds like a great read.
(Paragraph 1) Maybe add how he feels when he sees her. (Racing heart, lump in throat?)
(Paragraph 4) Maybe change the word ‘Molly’ to ‘her’.
(Paragraph 8) Maybe change the second ‘buy’ to ‘give’.
I loved the hook at the end.
Uh? I wrote Paragraph 8, not a smiley wearing glasses. Oh, well, now I know how to make a smiled with glasses. LOL. 8)
He doesn’t actually see her until paragraph three. The target couple is who he sees in paragraph 1 (they would’ve already known if they were assigned to surveil his ex-girlfriend). The Molly in paragraph 3 is parallel to Xavier’s “your . . . Molly” (“she wasn’t ‘his’ anymore, but it was definitely Molly”). And the “buy himself more time” is a play on the previous phrase.
Oh, I missed Andrew’s statement that it’s a little light on setting. It is, but I’m trying to get to the point (and there was a length limit on this blogfest—oy). But stating they’re on a busy Chicago street wouldn’t take up too much room.
Great tension! Hope you had a happy birthday! 🙂