A few years ago, one of my husband’s workers left at lunch and didn’t come back. My husband was concerned. He knew this guy—I’ll call him Adam, not his name—had been struggling with family and other issues lately, but Adam had actually seemed happier the last few days.

Later that night, my husband got a text message informing him that Adam was dead. He had gone home, lined his garage with plastic, called the police so they would find him instead of his mother, and shot himself.

I have a friend who once spent months blogging about how to serve your way out of depression. While that may be useful for some people suffering from lesser, non-clinical forms of depression, upper case, big deal, Clinical Depression is not that. It’s not that at all.

Clinical Depression is a mental illness. It is a broken brain. It is a mind that cannot see the world as it is, only as a horrible, twisted alternate reality where living hurts and it will never stop hurting and you can try this self-destructive behavior or this one or this one and it won’t hurt as much—or maybe you’ll just feel something for a few minutes—and sometimes death really looks like the only way out. Depression lies, and then Depression kills.

You cannot serve your way out of Clinical Depression any more than you can serve your way out of cancer or diabetes or heart disease. You probably won’t be able to pray your way out, short of an actual miracle of healing (because remember, this is a malfunctioning organ, not the blues). If you need help or if you need medication, you are not bad or weak or even responsible for this awful thing.

Asking for help is hard. Sometimes nigh on impossible. Depression lies and tells you no one cares if you’re suffering, and you’re better off suffering alone, and you can’t ask for help, and even if you did, nobody can help. These are lies. We do care, it will make a difference and you can do it.

To those of us who do not or are not currently suffering from Clinical Depression, 1.) don’t judge. There but for the grace of God/the fickle fates of brain chemistry, okay?

2.) Look out for your friends, acquaintances, family. If you know someone has struggled in the past, don’t continually harp on it, but do remain vigilant and look for ways to be extra supportive when they begin to show signs. Again, asking for help is hard for someone who is in that situation. If you can make it so they don’t have to ask, you could be saving a life.

Depression is real. Depression lies. Depression kills. Whatever it takes for you to beat it—medication, therapy, support—is worth it. It will get better. YOU will get better. Suicide is not the answer.

Comments closed. Go talk to your friend instead. You know which one I mean.

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