It’s a little hard to go on after teh best author bio EVAR, but this is way too tempting to pass up.

I learned a new word as I was writing this post: “Grandiloquent.” And that’s exactly the style of the real life author bio I shared on Monday. I just had to make up a biography of myself in the same style. It would go like this (with a little extra snark, of course):

Kind of like how some blessed few possess the combination of musical talents that launch them to rock superstardom, so some blessed few possess ALL of the genius for the literary arts—only, you know, in a single person. Praise be that Jordan McCollum is one of those chosen few. . . .

Life-altering truths, heart-pounding suspense and utter delight await the reader who . . . um, reads this thrilling novel. The book presents a timeless love story, a twist-packed mystery, thought-provoking parallels with vivid, seamless prose.

(Yeah, I’m not asking much of my future self, eh?)

Okay, I did skip a little of the bio, but the middle part is just too good to do all by myself. How would you shift this bombast from culinary to literary? Here’s your example (the ellipses are in the original):

Blessed with a rare combination of abilities . . . a super-sensitive palate which can uncannily detect the most subtle nuances of flavor and texture, a vivid and highly creative imagination, and perhaps most important, a love of good food which has grown from a hobby to a consuming passion, Yvonne Tarr is admirably equipped for the task at hand.

Photo by David’s digits