When it comes to writing emotion (just like everything else in writing!), we each face our own challenges. I tend to leave it out too much—but putting too much emotion in can be just as deadly to our writing (or even more so, since it can be an even more obvious problem for readers). This is especially true in highly emotional scenes. I think we’ve all heard the adage, “If the character cries, the reader doesn’t have to” (or something like that).
This reminds me of a scene in a recent episode of one of my favorite TV shows. Two characters (whom we’ve just met) discovered the niece they’ve loved and raised has drowned. When they view her body, they bawl.
And they bawl.
And they bawl. (And this is a comedy!)
At the opening of the scene, knowing what they’ll find, I was on the verge of tears myself. (I’m a mother, and for once I didn’t resent the emotional manipulation.) But after what felt like several minutes (though it was probably only one) of watching these people cry, my feelings changed from deep sympathy to alarm. “Why are we still watching them cry?!” I asked my husband. “This is torture!”
Don’t torture your readers! Too much emotion can pull your reader out of the story. It may be overwrought or melodramatic, or perhaps it trips your readers’ sensitive emotional shutoff valve (exactly what happened when I watched that show).
How can you avoid using too much emotion? We need to know when and how to portray emotion to make sure we don’t turn our readers off.
Set it up in advance
Don’t just drop an emotional scene out of nowhere, without giving the readers some frame of reference. Foreshadow. Set it up. Give us a chance to find out how the character feels about others in the scene or the general situation or similar events, etc. Then it’s safe to let the reader feel along with the character with a lot less emotion words. As author/editor Alicia Rasley says:
I suspect "less is more" really works here; most of the scenes that bring me to tears are underwritten, without emotion words.
But these passages are usually at the end of an emotional set up– that is, the author sets up the emotional situation so that I know what the stakes are, and then there’s the moment of emotional release.
Even then, though, there’s a fine line between subtle and just plain underdone.
Make it clear in the scene, but don’t beat us over the head with it!
Using common gestures probably won’t make it perfectly clear (unless you’re going for a common emotion—and then, dig deeper). We don’t need to be reminded every five lines, and we don’t need paragraphs about the feelings, but do make sure it’s there.
Use emotional imagery, especially something physical in the setting or props
Going along with the physical sensation of emotions, physical objects in the setting—whether scenery or props—can imbue even more meaning and resonance into a scene, as editor/author Alicia Rasley points out:
We really do endow things with emotional significance (wedding ring!), so that works better for me than emotion WORDS, which are necessarily a step removed.
Know when to put it in, and when not to
A number of factors influence this. One of them is pacing: if the scene is fast-paced and the emotional beat is short, don’t delve too deeply into it. (Gasp! You could even get away with telling!)
Get feedback
Probably the most important step here: get some objective eyes on it!
What do you think? How do you tell whether your emotion is overdoing it?
Image totally lifted from Wikipedia. Fair use FTW.
Thanks, Jordan! I like the Alicia Rasley quote about setting the scene so the reader knows and feels what’s at stake. Great blog.
PSYCH!! Love that show! That was a pretty hilarious episode too. I love that they made fun of Twin Peaks. And you are right – the overabundance of emotion was pretty painful =)
Ten points!
And I wanted to add for anyone who hadn’t seen it: there was a reason. It was for a joke. Which actually sounds worse…
So Jordan:
I love your wonderful insights and technical understanding. And I’m curious. I’m a published author. I’ll be turning in my 5th novel for publication on April 1st. And I’m wondering if a critique group would help me write faster. I’m also wondering if you are part of a critique group. If yes, are they pretty good and looking for another member? If not, are you thinking of starting one? And, of course, do you live in Utah?
Let me know. I’m just considering the option, mostly as motivation to dig in deeper, work harder, and produce more.
I’ll check back here…
PS: that isn’t my real address or name. Bet you didn’t know that…
Thank you!
To answer your questions: a critique group doesn’t seem to help me write faster (but I also had Baby #3 a little before I joined my critique group, so everything has changed vs. before Baby#3/critique group). I am a part of a critique group online. I think they’re pretty good, but I haven’t spoken with them about taking on another member (we’ve all been pretty busy lately). I do live in Utah.
Feel free to use your real e-mail address if you’d rather continue the conversation in private; I’m the only one who will see it.
I was thinking that a critique group that met once a week would motivate me to write more. Long ago I was in a group, but one of the members got eaten by a Terridactyl and the whole thing sort of fell apart. That’s how long ago. Darn. I don’t think an online group is what I was looking for. I think the need to produce every week is what I need most right now. I write historical fiction. And I’m doing some “general fiction” too.
We (are supposed to) exchange critiques once a week, but if an online group doesn’t work for you, I understand. Sorry I’m not more help!
I am in the bad habit of trying to ‘surprise’ my characters with emotion. So the part about the foreboding is a good piece of advice for me.
Pacing is an important part of showing emotion, I think. If a character only has a split second to think, it is pretty weird if the writer goes on for several pages with memories and/or regrets. Not only is the timing off, the tension and fast-moving action is broken up.
Thanks for the post (and the rest of the series on emotion – I just read them).
(By the way, the posts in the series are listed as 1,3,4,5,6 and 6. I got a little lost.)
I think surprise can be an important component to emotion—but it has to be done very carefully!
(Oh, thanks. I drafted this before I wrote the previous post, and the software apparently isn’t that smart. I’ll fix it. This was probably just a typo, but there is a post #2.)
HI, Jordan.
I liked: “most of the scenes that bring me to tears are underwritten, without emotion words.”
Thanks!
There’s a fine line between drama and melodrama, and horror and comedy. Sometimes the lines disappear!
I tend to agree with you’ Jordan. Too much leads to overwritten scenes and slows the pace. It’s a fine line we walk.
I have such a hard time dealing with emotional scenes. I tend to skip them or at least write them in a way that I don’t “feel” it.
This isn’t a problem for me, but I agree, reading about a character in the depths of emotion for page after page is boring.
The key here is to write emotional change, not emotional description.
Think about it in terms of goals. What does a grieving person want? Usually not to feel the pain anymore. So make them act on that goal, whether it’s to anesthetize themselves, talk it out, seek comfort or vengeance, whatever. Keep the emotions churning, always going up or down. Then it won’t get old or stale. Emotional responses aren’t just physical, they’re behavioral.
Nice. 🙂
I am with you when you say “putting too much emotion in can be deadly to our writing”. I think the description of emotion should be used sparingly in novels and frankly even writing “emotional change” can become deeply tedious. I am with Auden who said words to the effect that fleeting emotion, however passionate, was infinitely less interesting than things that were the creation of time and willpower.
Note that leaving out all emotion is just as deadly, which is kind of the point of this series as a whole. While we don’t want to spend pages and pages mired inside the depths of a characters’ emotional quagmire without anything external happening, I believe most of us read to experience new things through another’s eyes, and that “another’s” emotions are an integral part of the experience.
The emotional change is usually the internal conflict of the novel, the character arc that makes our characters truly compelling and memorable. We can’t skip those emotions entirely, or the read is VERY flat.
Auden’s full quote isn’t about fiction at all, but about real life—and to be precise, marriage: “Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.”
In real life, in marriage, as he says, I completely agree. But in fiction? Not so much. I already have a regular day-in, day-out marriage where each of us make everyday choices to choose one another and make time for one another over fleeting pleasures. Not exactly compelling enough for a novel.
But really, we have to tailor our emotional portrayal to our audience and genre, and our own story and writing style. Most of my friends and I tend to leave out too much emotion, but it’s entirely possible to write the other way, and have to edit and streamline the emotion in a story.
Setting up the emotion makes more sense in having a greater emotional effect because the reader will be able to relate to the emotion and understand it better. Then if the emotional scene and imagery are done right, definitely enough to get the point felt by the reader but not overkill, it can be very effective because our lives are all about emotion. And if it isn’t overdone, it will have a more real impact hopefully.