There is at least one hard-and-fast (mostly) rule for paragraphing in fiction: when you change speakers, change paragraphs. But from there, things can get a little complicated.
If you have a character react to another character’s dialogue without speaking, does that get a separate paragraph? What if the first character continues speaking? Or, to use an example, how would you paragraph this (we’ll call it Exhibit A), assuming it’s the same person doing all the talking:
“That’s the stupidest blog post idea I’ve ever heard.” He scowled at his sister. She rolled her eyes heavenward and sighed, as if begging for the patience to endure him. He took her by the shoulders. “You’re only thinking like this because you’re editing.”
I don’t know that one way is better than another—it mostly depends on what you want to emphasize, and making sure your meaning’s clear. Interestingly, I’ve read a couple books published in the 1950s and ’60s lately, and there seems to have been a rule that every time someone starts speaking, you need a new paragraph, so this example might be:
“That’s the stupidest blog post idea I’ve ever heard.” He scowled at his sister. She rolled her eyes heavenward and sighed, as if begging for the patience to endure him. He took her by the shoulders.
“You’re only thinking like this because you’re editing.”
Which I find confusing, since I think the paragraph change is setting up a speaker change, and it’s not. (
And that might be precisely why they’ve shied away from that.)
Along those same lines, I made sure to include (in this totally-made-up-not-for-real example) a sentence that brought the speaker back into actor position before the second part of his dialogue to try to make it clearer who was speaking. (This may or may not be successful. We would assume it’s him because we haven’t changed paragraphs in the first example, but if the sister’s action was the last sentence before the second part of the dialogue, it might be hard to parse who’s supposed to be speaking. While we may want to “challenge” our readers, we probably don’t want to challenge them just to understand what’s happening 😉 .)
And then there’s narrating internal monologue. How do you think you’d do this in Exhibit B?
Terrence looked up as soon as he heard the hollow clack of high heels in the vestibule. Andrea came tripping in to the chapel, casting her eyes about hopefully. Terrence read people for a living. The way she leaned forward, her eyebrows drawn up inquisitively: she was eager to see him. And she only knew him as a lie. He suppressed a sigh.
How about Exhibit C?
Angelica nearly missed the meeting. Why she’d spent so long fussing over her hair was beyond her. No amount of fussing had ever made it behave particularly well—and she shouldn’t be so concerned about how she looked. She was lucky to reach her seat before the presentation began. But she was glad of the fussing as soon as they began the introductions—and she knew Mr. Griggs was there. She hadn’t seen him yet, but she could almost feel his presence. Or maybe his eyes on her.
How would you add paragraph breaks to these examples (if at all)?
Photo by kami68k
I don’t think I’d put breaks in C, but I would in B!
Okay, but where in B?
HI again, Jordan. Sorry for the delay. First, I have a question. In reference to exhibit B, we’re in Terrence’s POV, correct? So, how can we use the word ‘hopefully’? Terrence sees Andrea casting her eyes about, but can he know she is ‘hopeful’?
Terrence looked up as soon as he heard the hollow clack of high heels in the vestibule. He watched Andrea come tripping in to the chapel casting her eyes about as if she was looking for someone. He observed the way she leaned forward, the way her eyebrows drew up inquisitively. He’d stake his life on the fact that she was eager to see him. Too bad she only knew him as a lie, he decided. He suppressed a sigh.
What I wrote above makes more sense to me. The example below confuses me because of the narration. When I read “Andrea came tripping into the chapel, casting her eyes about hopefully,” I feel like I’m in Andrea’s POV. Also, I feel that way when I read, “she was eager to see him.” I understand it’s supposed to be his deduction, but I would like it better if it read “he could tell (or deduce) she was eager to see him.” Plus, “And she only knew him as a lie,” sounds like we’re in her POV, too.
Terrence looked up as soon as he heard the hollow clack of high heels in the vestibule.
Andrea came tripping in to the chapel, casting her eyes about (hopefully).
Terrence read people for a living. The way she leaned forward, her eyebrows drawn up inquisitively: she was eager to see him. And she only knew him as a lie. He suppressed a sigh.
What do you think?
Kathleen
Yes, it’s in Terrence’s POV. Probably should’ve clarified that. I like the “stake his life on” move, but that particular phrase is probably a bit strong in a work where there are actual murders going on 😉 . I don’t mind the “as if she was looking for someone”—it’s a good way to show instead of tell here (can’t remember why I didn’t go there, but I assume I had a reason 😉 ).
But the “hopefully” doesn’t jar me out of his perspective, especially in a section that flat-out states that he can interpret other people’s actions and emotional states (as, really, we all can). But I know that it’s from a few paragraphs into a scene, so POV is more established in context. It’s always hard to deal with that in isolation, of course.
OTOH, I try not to use “filter phrases” (or “scaffolding” as it’s sometimes called) like “he could tell,” “he could see” and “he observed.” If we’re in his POV, we know he’s the one seeing it. Reminding us of that actually distances us from the narrative—we’re watching him observe this scene, instead of in his head living it with him. (But again, in isolation, POV, etc.)
Your paragraphing is a good example of cause/effect paragraphing. (Though if this were in a section with other one-sentence paragraphs for effect, it’d undermine the effect.) When I wrote this (it’s from a scene I cut), I think I paragraphed it thusly:
I might have had another break between “lie” and “He,” more cause/effect paragraphing. Hm…
For C, I broke the paragraph before “But she was glad . . .” Seemed like a shift to me. Attitudinal, perhaps.
“Hopefully” still bugs me, but I see what you mean. And if I was reading the entire chapter, then I probably wouldn’t even notice it!!
I like what you said about “filter phrases”. I’ve noticed they make me feel peculiar when I see them in my writing, mainly because they contain state-of-being verbs, but I’m really going to be on the look-out for them now!
When will your novel be finished? I’m looking forward to reading it. Keep the great posts coming!
Maybe it bugs you because technically, it’s telling instead of showing. (So naughty, I know.)
Another good point about filter phrases!
Sigh. I finished the first draft in December 2008. Still editing. You know how they say “A work of art is never finished, merely abandoned”? It’s starting to feel that way 😉 .
Dec 2008! Oh dear. But, I’m sure it will be worth it!