Tag Archives: self-editing

Technique

Editing to Streamline and Strengthen Your Story

I always try to edit my books to streamline and strengthen my prose. Here are my best techniques.

Set a goal

Maybe you really just want to tighten your story, so you don’t have a specific number goal. I think you should set one anyway. Hopefully you’ve learned how wordy you tend to be and how wordy your voice should be, so you can adjust your goal accordingly.

My goal was dictated by word count—I wanted the third book in the series to be close to the length of the first. That gave me 7000 words to cut over 300 pages, an average of 24 words per page (always round up; you can’t count cutting part of a word).

I wanted to give myself a cushion for smoothing rewrites and for pages that were already pretty tight, so I made my goal 30 words a page. When I move to the next page, I check the document word count and try to knock it down by 30. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t, sometimes I blow it away, but it gives me a specific goal to shoot for and stretch for rather than just cutting “some” words.

Highlight your weak, empty &/or echo words

I use a macro to do this, and I love it. I’ve set it up to color code “empty” words. Words that can often be cut entirely are “highlighted” in black, making them invisible. If the sentence reads just as well without it, I can cut that word. Sequencing words like before/after/while/as are in dark blue. A lot, a little, pretty, etc. are in another color. Suddenly, finally and slowly are flagged in red. The macro also turns several pronouns orange (text color) so I can make sure I’m using the strongest possible words. You might also highlight “because, “since” and “so that,” as telling flags. This doesn’t include the 60 words I track to monitor emotions, visceral reactions, body language and overused words I want to track by comparing the full sentences.

This does highlight a lot of things that I don’t need to highlight (because I haven’t gotten down the “whole words only” option yet), like “AS much AS” or “adJUSTment,” but because I’m going to be reading every page, it’s okay.

When I finish working with a page, I take out the highlighting and text color changes. Then if I scroll past it, I know it’s done.

Go page by page

Why go in random order? Sometimes it’s easy to start reading and following the story. This way, I can’t get sucked into the story and forget to edit closely. I use Random.org to randomize my page numbers.

The longer explanation of the process: I use Excel. I put “1” in A1 and fill the cells in a series to make a list of my page numbers, 1 to 300 or whatever. Then I have Random.org generate a list of random numbers, 1 to whatever (should be at least as high as your page count, but can be higher) in one column. I cut and paste that list into column B of the spreadsheet. I select both columns and sort the range by column B.

Why don’t I just use Random.org’s list? True random numbers will skip some digits and duplicate others, so some pages will be skipped. This way makes sure every page is on the list.

Of course, my page count goes down as I do this. If I cut a page off chapter 4, all the subsequent pages are shifted up, right? So sometimes, especially as I approach the last quarter of the edit, my random page has already been edited, I scroll until I can find one that still has those highlighted words from the previous step.

The actual editing

As I mentioned above, some of the first things I look at are empty, overused and commonly misused words.

Contractions

These are words that can be distilled, reduced or cut altogether without altering meaning.

  • Try to/and (technically it should be try to, not try and, but try and is very common in speech)
  • start to, begin to
  • Reach for
  • was going to >> would/will
  • to be able to >> could/can
  • at him, to her, for me, especially if there are only two people in the scene.
  • Now, right now (can be especially awkward in past tense)
  • Seems to, looks like >> well, does it?
  • And, and then, but. Do these clauses belong together? Do they HAVE to be together (choppiness is a valid reason to join them).
  • Of him, of it, of yours >> his X, its Y, your Z.
  • The _A_ to the _B__ >> B’s A
  • have to have >> need
  • figure out where/what Q is >> find Q
  • that
  • that is/are/was/were

Progressive & paraphrastic tenses

Stacked prepositions

Usually one of these is redundant.

  • Out of (from?)
  • Off of
  • down on (write it down on, sit down on)
  • over to
  • Rephrasing to avoid prepositions–I gave the book to him. I gave him the book.

Evil phrases

These empty phrases don’t mean anything and just pad the word count. They can usually be cut:

  • In order to >> to
  • The fact that (cut)
  • at this point

Null subjects

Null or dummy subjects are common in English, but they can create weak sentences:

  • There was/were, It was, Those/These were
  • There were four men in the room. Four men stood in/ringed the room.

Unnecessary subjects

This is very dependent on the genre and voice, but you might be able to get away with cutting unnecessary subjects, such as in dialogue. “Are you going to the party?” in real life might end up “You going?” or “Going to the party?”

Redundancy

  • Nodded his head up and down
  • shook his head no
  • the driver in the front seat (obviously they sat in a seat)
  • the smile on his face (where else do you smile?)

Semantically empty phrases

This is one of my favorite places to cut. I have a tendency to have a lot of commentary, shades of meaning, hints of backstory. That can be great, but it can also really start to weigh down the story. I try to look critically at a lot of these phrases. Can readers infer that if someone’s holding the elevator for the POV character, it’s “for me to catch up” (and cut those 5 words)? Do we need all of the info in “We weren’t planning on a Russian side trip when we packed, so our heavy winter gear is back home” or will “We didn’t pack for a Russian side trip” convey the message and the humor a lot better? (With 11 fewer words.)

One word or two

Use a dictionary you trust (I use Merriam-Webster Online) and check to see if you’ve got your words right. Is back seat one word or two? Back up? As a verb, adjective or noun?

POWER writing

This edit isn’t just to make the book shorter. I’m doing it to make the book stronger. Following Margie Lawson’s advice, I’m adding rhetorical devices and power words. I’m tweaking the cadence, moving words to more powerful positions and creating more vivid imagery. I have lists of rhetorical devices on my screen, chosen by what effect I’m going for in the scene.

Sometimes this adds words, sometimes it takes them away. To go back to my above example, I decided “side trip” was weak, and settled on “detour” instead—cutting another word and ending the paragraph on the more powerful alternative.

What do you think? What ways have you found to streamline and strengthen your writing?

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Technique

Upping your tension, scene-by-scene

In my presentation on structural self-editing, I mention that one column of the scene chart in particular helped to make my story better: the tension column. So when I stumbled across a post on how to use that tension column in my archives, I knew I had to share!

When you’re editing yourself, it can be hard to see which of your scenes are low in tension. For tension, a scene-level edit is a definite must. For each scene, ask yourself:

  • Character’s goal: Is it clearly stated or irrefutably implied? (That scene goal in the scene chart thing? Yep. Plus, a scene chart and/or spreadsheet is a really convenient here.)
  • Bring on the conflict: Can/should I cut to where the conflict for that goal starts? Is that the worst conflict I could use here?
  • Bring out the conflict: Have I stated why this is a difficult/delicate situation?
  • Length: Is the scene an appropriate length for its significance? (That applies to both word count and the passage of time in the scene.)
  • Setting: Could another setting lend more tension to this scene?
  • Purpose: Does this move the story forward? Is my reason for having this scene good enough to justify this scene, or any scene at all?
  • Ending: Does the scene end with a disaster for my POV character’s goal? Do we cut away at the worst possible moment, something that will induce the reader to find out what happens next?
  • Finally, rating: as Noah Lukeman recommends in The Plot Thickens, rate the scene tension on a scale of 1 to 10.

Another method here is to read the story backwards, scene-by-scene. Or, I guess, you could jump around as long as you made sure you covered everything. That way, you know each scene will stand on its own—but if you change anything important, especially near the beginning, you’ll just have to go through and fix all that again. (Which can cut both ways, of course.)

Of course, this whole method requires brutal honesty. No rating a scene higher because your heroine gets off a few zingers, no keeping a scene that doesn’t serve any real purpose because it has that beautiful paragraph that it took you a month to write. Cut and paste your favorite parts (or the whole scene) into another document and you never have to actually “lose” anything.

Finding and fixing low tension scenes is just the beginning of making sure your story keeps your readers hooked. Tomorrow we’ll look at finding problems with the overarching suspense in your story. (Gulp!)

What do you think? What do you look for to find low-tension scenes?

Photo credit: Samuraijohnny

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Technique

More resources on gesture crutches

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gesture crutchesLast week, I gave a class at the LDStorymakers Conference on gesture crutches. You can find my presentation here, but today I’m sharing the resources I cited in class!

Books on the topic

Blog posts on gesture crutches

The bulk of my presentation came from my own blog posts, especially my series on gesture crutches: finding gesture crutches (the macro code), tracking & changing gesture crutches and strategies to fix the top 10 gesture crutches.

You can find John Gilstrap quoting his editor, Michaela Hamilton, here.

Other resources

Courses by Margie Lawson including Empowering Characters’ Emotions and Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues opened my eyes to gesture crutches and started me on the path to take my writing to the next level!

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Technique

Gesture crutches presentation

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Saturday at the 2014 LDStorymakers Conference, I got to present on gesture crutches! So many wonderful friends turned out at 8 AM, or sat on the floor or even stood to listen to this presentation—thank you! IF YOU WERE IN THE CLASS AND DID NOT GET THE EMAIL SIGNUP SHEET TO RECEIVE CLASS FILES, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW!

So, what are gesture crutches?

Smiling, nodding, laughing, sighing, frowning—they’re all the little gestures we use every day to convey meaning, and they can creep into every page of our writing. These overused actions quickly become flat clichés, sapping your story’s power. Come learn how to find these common “gesture crutches,” discover new strategies to fix them, and use the smallest gestures to personalize your characters.

How do we do this? Check out my presentation to learn more, and be sure to stay tuned for more resources tomorrow!

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Technique

Finding your weaknesses

This entry is part 2 of 4 in the series Becoming a better writer

When we first start writing, we often have . . . well, delusions of grandeur, to put it gently. We think our prose is the most mind-blowing thing to happen to books since Gutenberg.

Yeeeah, probably not. And that’s okay. When you’re first starting out, you often need that kind of enthusiasm and even pride to get going. It has its place—but it’s only useful if you can get past it.

WEAKDiscovering that you’re not, actually, the next Shakespeare is the first step. Once you really want to improve, you have to figure out where you need to work on next. Assessing your own weaknesses can be a challenge, but it’s an important part of becoming a better writer.

Reading

A writer should be a reader. Can you imagine a premiere chef who ate the same dinner—spaghettios and bagged salad—every night? That sounds ridiculous! We all recognize that a chef must cultivate his or her palate.

Reading functions a lot like eating for writers, and not just that we might die without either of them 😉 . There are other good reasons—you can identify tropes, trends and clichés;s, you can tell what you like and don’t in techniques, you can get great ideas. But possibly the most important reason a writer needs to read is to cultivate a literary “palate.”

We must learn to recognize good, “strong” writing and storytelling. At the very least, this is what I described on Janice Hardy’s blog last month as “technically solid writing that engages your emotions, tells a well-structured story, and doesn’t get in the way of connecting with the characters.” To understand this, you need to see good writing in action.

Another bonus: filling your head with other characters and plot lines and words can help to move your words out of the short- and medium-term memory banks, giving you fresh eyes for your own words again.

Time

First and foremost, you need to take time away from your writing. I know I often need to forget parts of a story, or the aspects of a character, or the individual words and sentences I crafted to create that story before I can look at them objectively. Some writers recommend weeks away from a story; others say months.

The exact time limit depends on you, and how well you already know your story. If you pounded it out in a matter of days (no judgments there!), and set it aside for two weeks, that might already be long enough. If you labored over it for six months, I’m guessing there may be some pieces in there you’ve already forgotten, but a good rest of a couple months or more will help give you fresh eyes.

Longer than six months drafting? Get started on your next draft and come back to this one when you’re done.

Eventually, with practice, you might learn to be less attached to your plot lines and characters, and you can judge their weaknesses more quickly.

Outside eyes

Possibly the biggest help would have to be good beta readers and critique partners. As far more impartial readers who want to help you make your story better (we hope), they have a vested interest in helping you eliminate all the weaknesses. They aren’t as attached to your story and your characters, so they are better at identifying places that don’t do much to move the story forward—the parts where their attention starts wandering. (Also helpful: the parts where they don’t know what you’re talking about.)

More writing

I love this example author Michelle Davidson Argyle shared here last year. Once, early in her career, her skill level seemed to be stagnant, despite working hard to improve and edit her work. Eventually, she decided to write a new manuscript, and she realized that was exactly what she needed to do to get better. She concluded (emphasis mine):

I’ve found that the more novels I complete, the more I learn and the better I get. The longer I spend on one novel doesn’t seem to get me nearly as far. I am not expanding my mind to different ways of thinking, different characters, different viewpoints, and different ways of experimenting with structure and telling a story. For me, at least, only new projects have been able to do that.

Amen!

An objective, complete read

Once I’ve taken the time to regain some objectivity, finally, one of the most important editing techniques I use is to give a draft—and hopefully each draft—an objective (you know, kinda), complete read, from start to finish.

This may work a bit differently for you, but when I do this, I also forbid myself to change things as I read. I’m allowed to fix typos and make notes (comments in Word), but I’m not allowed to get bogged down in fixing a problem I see right now. I make a note of it and move on, keeping up the momentum so I can get a better view of the manuscript as a whole.

As you read, you’ll begin to notice patterns—in your writing, in your critique partners’ comments. Do you tell and then show, or vice versa? Do you tend to use summary to move things along? Do you have characters that sound the same? Do your emotions need more depth, your plot need more twists, your characters need more conflict and growth? Where does your writing fall short of what you’ve learned is “good” from cultivating your palate?

You found a weakness. Now you know where to grow!

Check out my tips to becoming a better writer—and be sure to join my email newsletter, where we’ll take this tip to the next level this week!

Photo credit: Brooke Novak

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Mechanics, Technique

Julie Coulter Bellon’s Secret Sauce: The CLAW (and self-editing)

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by Julie Coulter Bellon

Julie Coulter BellonMy secret sauce in making the leap to being a published author was learning how to be a better self-editor.  I think when you know the areas to look for that are your personal weaknesses as a writer, you can better learn the craft to make that your strength.

Here is my personal self-editing checklist.

First I do the CLAW  

I start with the easy stuff because it makes me feel good to check it off.

Check for basic editing errors like:

  • Page numbering and blank pages
  • Too many adjectives or adverbs:  “It was a beautiful sunny June day and the lush, emerald green grass reflected the bright yellow sunlight and hurt my eyes.  Or, “She desperately wanted to kiss him passionately.”
  • Tense consistency and subject/verb agreement:  “He couldn’t believe that his boss had fired him over a typographical error. He is a great worker and always turns in his projects on time.”  Subject/verb agreement, “He run to the store.”
  • Clichés: “She’ll come crawling back to me.”  “He couldn’t beat around the bush any longer.”
  • Repetitious descriptions:  Weave in your first descriptions and make them powerful enough that you don’t have to beat your reader over the head with more.
  • Favorite words: “really”  “just”  “some”  “that”
  • Too many dialogue tags or weird tags:   James laughed at her pain. “Don’t bother trying to get away,” he replied.  We don’t need the replied because we know it’s James talking.  And use “said,” in most instances because when you try to get fancy “he pontificated,” or “she remonstrated,” it can take the reader out of the story.
  • Chapter or POV breaks.  Double check that those are correct and done.

Let someone else read it that will give me good feedback.  Not my mother or grandma, but someone who will be honest and somewhat brutal.

Always print it out and read a hard copy.  Mistakes will jump out at me that way.  Sometimes putting it into a different font can also be helpful in spotting mistakes.

Walk-away for a few hours, days or weeks and come back with fresh eyes.  I’ve created something and I need a bit of time to enjoy that, but I keep thinking about it, and when I come back to it, I’m ready to make the changes I need to.  Anything that doesn’t advance the story must be cut out, even if it’s my favorite part.

So, now I’ve done the basic CLAW checklist, then I send it out to beta readers for some feedback.  But I don’t wait around for them to get back to me.  While they have it, I print it out myself and read it front to back for any other little changes I might want to make.  Once that’s done, I’m ready for the second round of self-editing.

My second round of self-editing is where I go through that hard copy and look for specific problem areas.  (For some reason I see mistakes better on a hard copy.  It can be done on the computer as well. Maybe I’m just getting old, or my old journalism habits are coming through!)

(Also, I know I’ve seen a lot of these areas on Jordan’s previous secret sauce blog entries and I have to say I’ve learned a lot from them and for my next book I can delve even deeper into some of these.)  Here’s my specific list for the second round.

Second Round of Self-Editing—The Editor’s Checklist

  1. Show don’t tell—show us what your character is experiencing in that moment.  What does he/she hear, feel, or smell?  Let the reader be in the moment with them.
  2. Passive voice—the lady is being kissed by a masked man.  The masked man is kissing the lady.”  Keep it active and concentrate on the action.
  3. POV shifts—usually one POV per scene
  4. Chapter hooks, beginning and end.  Make the reader want to keep on turning pages.
  5. Does each character have a motivation?
  6. Is the setting done well?  Does it contribute to the piece?
  7. Is the story timeline consistent?
  8. Does the conflict keep the tension throughout the story?
  9. Do you have a natural flow—nothing contrived?
  10. Is there a balance of narrative, action, and dialogue?

This round takes a bit more time, but it is totally worth it when I catch mistakes like my character having blue eyes in chapter one that magically change to brown eyes in chapter fifteen.  Going through the manuscript ten times looking for specific issues like the ones above has saved me so many times.  (That’s why I can never show people my first or even fifth drafts!  You would laugh.)  Also, by the time you’re done going through it so many times you’re going to hate your manuscript and that’s always a good sign that it’s close to being finished!

Which leads me to the last round of self-edits—the big picture issues.

Do You Know Your Big Picture Problem Areas? 

(If you find problems here, you will bang your head against the wall for a while trying to fix it, but make no mistake, you will be glad you fixed it at this stage instead of when a reader/editor/agent tells you.)  (See what I did there? Make no mistake? Haha)

Characterization—Are we privy to the main character’s thoughts, or do we only skim his/her surface? Is this a character we simply witness, or a character we understand deeply?

Plot—Is your plot contrived or unbelievable?  Do you know the end and work toward a satisfying conclusion with no dangling loose ends or unnecessary beats?  Are there elements of truth in it that readers can relate to?

Continuity—Are your characters consistent throughout with no name changes, eye color changes or backstory inconsistencies?  Is your timeline appropriate? Are settings and events consistent?

Details—Do you have a hard time finding balance and detail people to death?  Are you focusing on the small picture or keeping an eye on the big picture?

Once that is all done, there’s just one more step.

Now What? Change Hats Once More

Take off your editor’s hat and put on your writing hat again. Make the necessary changes from what you saw in your piece on your three editing rounds.  Drown the piece in red ink and bring it back to life with new words and ideas.  Make it flow.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but enjoy the journey of revision.  Rewriting can be rejuvenating and breathe new life into your characters.  Don’t be discouraged.  This is your opportunity to make the story shine and bring your ideas to life. One of my favorite quotes is by Arthur Polotnik.

“You write to communicate to the hearts and minds of others what’s burning inside you. And we edit to let the fire show through the smoke.”  Arthur Polotnik

Let your fire show so your readers can experience your story the way you saw it in your head.

The more you learn about yourself as a writer, the better able you are to self-edit and really improve in your craft.  Of course this is one of the first steps in your journey to publishing and doesn’t substitute for a critique group and a professional edit, but once you are this far, your piece is polished enough to go on in the process.

About the Author

Julie Coulter Bellon is the mom of eight children and the author of nine books. She balances being a mom with being a writer and an avid reader. She blogs at LDS Writer Mom. Her latest release is Ashes Ashes.

Sophia Naziri is wanted for questioning in the murder of a U.S. senator. She’s worried the police will show up on her doorstep any moment, but when Detective Colby Black appears, it’s to help her put out a kitchen fire, not take her in. Yet. His easy smile and persistence in getting to know her pushes all her troubles to the back of her mind, until a hit man tracks her down. Getting arrested becomes the least of her worries and the handsome detective could be her only way out—if she tells him the truth.

Colby Black’s sniper skills have been a blessing and a curse to him. As a member of a Hostage Negotiation Team, he can use them to save people, but sometimes he can’t protect the innocent despite his best efforts. When a hostage situation goes bad, he tries to put it behind him by helping out his mysterious next-door neighbor, Sophia Naziri. But she pulls Colby into a web of lies and conspiracy that will force him to use every skill he has in order to survive. Faced with the moment of truth, can he trust anyone around him—including the woman at the center of it all?

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Publishing

The hardest part of self-publishing?

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Lots of challenges litter the path of indie publishing. Editing, cover design, formatting, interior design, marketing & promotion, building your own validation, bad reviews, confidence, sales numbers—there are pitfalls every step of the way.

the Book of ChangesAll those things have been hurdles for me over the last month. But the hardest part of self-publishing for me is often leaving it alone.

I think it’s good and even right to fix minor issues like typos, perhaps even inadvertent, minor inconsistencies. But anything more than that, and you run the risk of the slippery slope of perpetual editing.

Author Ally Carter (one of my faves!) said it well in a recent Q&A:

Do you ever re-read your own books?

Not if I can help it. That sounds like my definition of torture—reading something I can’t fix if and when I find mistakes or things I just want to change. And, believe me, I would want to change things. All the things!

Ally is trade published, so she most likely doesn’t have the opportunity to change her works. Can you imagine the torture if you can change things? And if you can, should you?

In the new publishing paradigm, there might not be such a thing as a “finished” book. We can edit forever. And while, again, fixing typos is good, having 8 (or 800) various editions of your book out there just feels wrong. I think there has to be a point where we decide our books are truly polished enough—not to give up too soon and call it good, but to recognize that we’ve produced a finished product to the best of our (and all our helpers’) ability, and share it with readers without shame.

What do you think? How much are you willing to change once you’ve hit “Publish”?

Photo by Nikki L.

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Technique

Fixing the Top 10 Gesture Crutches!

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This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Gesture crutches

We’ve looked at multiple ways to find your cliché gesture crutches . . . now what? How do we fix these little gestures that creep into our conversations and our manuscripts—eventually weighing down every single scene?

gesture crutchesWe use crutches when we’re lame. Gesture crutches? They’re often a symptom of writing that’s limping along. Don’t let your writing limp! Make it run, jump, dance and sing!

Here are my top ten gesture crutches that I either write or see too often, and how I fix them. Note that the top ten will vary from person to person. I do not eliminate these words completely from my manuscript, but I try to make sure that I don’t use them too often or too close together, and when I do use them, they should be as fresh and unique as the scene can handle.

How do I tackle all this?

First, in a paper edit, I use one of the techniques from Wednesday, writing down the body parts/action in the margin, then reading those notes aloud for pattern and repetition. I make notes and adjustments based on that.

Later, I use a macro to “harvest” all the sentences containing those terms from my WIP. Rather than using find thousands of times, I go through that new document and make a note of a few things in the document:

  • patterns (she smiled in joy, she smiled in gratitude, he frowned in disapproval, etc.)
  • echos (“my heart kick starts” and “my pulse jumpstarts,” especially fairly close together)
  • uses too close together
  • uses that don’t make sense (could be the lack of context, but I made a note to check)
  • uses that aren’t necessary
  • uses that are awkward
  • uses that could be fresher
  • uses that are “bare” and could just be filler action tags: i.e. Jimmy frowned. “What do you mean?”—punch up, freshen, replace or cut. (Gasp! You could use a dialogue tag!)

On my first pass, I’m only marking the things I want to look at, unless inspiration for a rewrite strikes. Then I go back through and make the changes in the manuscript.

Fixing those crutches!

As I go through each set of sentences, I look at those notes and strategize how to make my changes. Here are some of the alternatives I’ve thought about for the following 10 gestures. Note that a lot of these strategies can work for all body language cues, so there’s a bit of repetition between the lists.

Nods

Characters who nod too much are liable to have their heads fall off, or at least sound like bobbleheads.

  • Give a character (most likely just one) a unique, character-specific gesture—I used eyebrow-nods (it only happens 2-3 times).
  • Change to just “agrees.”
  • If the character is complying with a request, cut the nod altogether and just have them obey.
  • If they were just nodding at something/someone, consider using gesturing, pointing, indicating with eyes, jerking head, tapping, etc.
  • Convert some nods to dialogue: “Yes/yeah/sure.”
  • Cut anything unnecessary.
  • Punch up ones that remain, as much as you can in their context. A few examples of fresher nods to get your juices flowing:
    • a single, decisive dip of the chin
    • a yeah-sure-we’ll-see-about-that nod
    • “The receptionist smiled and nodded in that way people do when they aren’t listening.” —Harlan Coben, No Second Chance

And remember: you don’t ever have to say a character nods her head/up and down/yes. They are all redundant. What else do you nod? How else do you nod? What else does a nod mean after a yes/no question?

Head shake

Again, we’re in danger of losing someone’s head due to stripped out cervical vertibrae. Just don’t.

  • Convert to dialogue! From a flat-out “No” to a muttered “unbelievable,” dialogue can not only carry so much more impact than shaking one’s head, it can also make your meaning clearer without resorting to a pesky adverb.
  • Use another gesture to portray the meaning: a sigh (if you haven’t already overused those!), a tongue-cluck, a wagging finger, etc.
  • Use another verb for “shake”: wag, . . . . uhhhhh . . .
  • Cut.
  • If a lot of your head shakes are being used to convey the same message (other than no—maybe disbelief or disappointment), then take a little while to sit down and think about all the ways you can convey that nonverbally. Watch people, watch reality TV, watch well-acted movies, and see how those people look when they’re experiencing that emotion. Look for subtle and unique tells. Check out The Emotion Thesaurus, or this writers’ game, where you pick the body part first for more ideas.
  • Try “disagrees,” “demurs” or other d words. I mean verbs of disagreement.
  • If you have to have to have to keep it, punch it up! Maybe your character shakes his head like a dog getting out of the washtub, or like he’s afraid it’ll fall off, or like he’s wearing a neck brace.

Smiles

I swear, sometimes my characters sound like grinning idiots. Smile at this; smile at that. Save the smiles for when it counts, not just as a conversational smoother.

  • Try other words, like beams or grins—but these are easy to overuse, too! I try to check these one after another.
  • Give the character a particular type of smile. Maybe he smiles like a feral dog or a jack o’lantern, or a presidential candidate.
  • Use subtext or dialogue to convey approval, gratitude, or other messages.
  • Write it fresh! Give it a message, or use a simile to compare it to something (that isn’t a cliché). Some fresh smiles to get you thinking:
    • “‘They’re all in there waiting for you,’ she said, flashing an I’m-glad-I’m-not-you smile.”—Angela Hunt, The Note, via Margie Lawson.
    • From my WIP: “He orders two coffees with his I’m-so-charming-you-should-throw-in-something-for-free smile.”
    • My favorite smile in all literature (can we say amplified?): “He smiled understandingly—much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced—or seemed to face—the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Raised Eyebrows

One raised eyebrow. Two. Three. It doesn’t matter. The gesture can mean anything from surprise to disbelief to sarcasm. It’s too generic and overused to mean much of anything these days: a classic cliché.

  • Think about the underlying emotion and find other gestures that might convey it more clearly, especially since “he raised his eyebrows in confusion” becomes not only a cliché but also telling. Watch people, watch reality TV, watch well-acted movies, and see how those people look when they’re experiencing that emotion. Look for subtle and unique tells. Check out The Emotion Thesaurus, or this writers’ game, where you pick the body part first for more ideas.
  • Cut.
  • Use dialogue to convey the response or emotion.
  • Write it fresh! Use a unique verb, describe their movement in a unique way, or show the message you’re trying to send. A few of my quick, fresh eyebrows:
    • His eyebrows jumped to meet his receding hairline.
    • “Uh huh,” he said, his eyebrow propped up an inch.
    • She raised her eyebrow, nailing him with that patented mother-knows-better-than-you look.

An exception to the rule: most of the time, you don’t have to eradicate these words, but I think I’ll be eliminating the majority of my plain eyebrow raises.

Glance

It’s like my characters can’t look at anything for very long. Focus, people! You do not have ADH—squirrel!

  • Use another verb. Be careful not to overuse synonyms or use words so unusual that they call attention to themselves.
  • If it’s the POV character, just show what s/he saw and skip the filter word.
  • If the glance is less to see something and more to convey a particular message, spell out the message in a fresh or funny way.
  • Ooor use dialogue for that fresh, funny message.
  • Write it fresh!

Furrowed brow (or eyebrows drawing together)

In my latest manuscript, the only time I mentioned “brows” was when they were furrowed. Which makes mine furrowed, too.

  • Use a simile. Lots of things are wrinkly: pugs, my laundry, septuagenarians. Note: are stormclouds overused in this context?
  • It seems like this expression rarely occurs in isolation. Focus on another part of the face or the body language. As always, this is best with a gesture or body part that’s specific and unique to the character.
  • Watch either of these in the POV character. Both can sound like an external visual instead of the character describing his/her own conscious movements.
  • Write it fresh! Some fresh eyebrows & brows to get you rolling:
    • She looks like Our Lady of Perpetual Solemnity.
    • His eyebrows pull together in knit two, purl two ribbing. (Want to get uberjargony? Say “k2p2 rib.”)
    • The gray caterpillars above his eyes lean in for an intimate moment.

Eyes widen/narrow/light up

I make my characters’ expressions while writing. . . . I probably look like I have crazy eyes!

  • Find another body part or part of the expression to highlight. I’m searching for a good way to write the feeling of your scalp tightening when you’re surprised.
  • Use a simile. Can her eyes light up like a firework or narrow like a camera lens?
  • Go for dialogue instead. In Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Brad Pitt’s character tells Angelina Jolie’s that when he first saw her, she looked like Christmas morning. A kid’s eyes lighting up on Christmas morning would have been a cliché; instead the writers used a metaphor an narrowly avoided the tired phrase.
  • My favorite way to write it fresh: Find a character-specific situation to describe in a simile. What would make her eyes narrow? A lying ex? A too-good to be true sale? A delinquent teen? What makes his eyes light up? Hot girls? A challenging math puzzle? The latest FPS video game?

Laugh

I’ve written whole conversations where the characters just take turns laughing. But laughing is one of those things: if the character laughs, the reader doesn’t have to.

  • Is it really that funny? “LOL” really means “I found that amusing” these days. Don’t overuse laughing with your characters that way.
  • Is a response necessary? Sometimes you can cut the laugh altogether.
  • Use dialogue, and if you’re already using dialogue, drop the laughter.
  • Consider a synonym for laugh, but most chortles and guffaws draw attention to themselves.
  • Describe the laugh to make it pop. Write it fresh!:
    • A suuuure-you-can laugh.
    • Her laughter was bright and thin and , like the sound of cheap jingle bells you buy one year—and the next find inexplicably silent.

Sigh

Okay, I’m being sarcastic about the other gestures, but I really did once write a scene where a character decided not to sigh, thinking everyone else was doing enough moody exhaling for them all.

  • Especially watch for clichés like “a sigh of relief.” Write it fresher!
  • If they’re not absolutely necessary, delete!
  • Look at the underlying emotion. How else might it be manifest? Vocal tone? Shoulders, fists,
  • Look at another narrative mode. Would it be more powerful to describe the reason for the sigh in thought, or better yet, dialogue?
  • If you must use several sighs, you might consider finding a way to punch them up systematically. In Paranormalcy by Kiersten White, one of her characters is introduced early on as speaking a “professional sigher.”
  • Kiersten White goes further than that, describing those sighs with the message they send:
    • “This was more of a sympathetic, I know what it’s like to be a human wrapped up in all this non-sense, but if we didn’t do it, who would? kind of a sigh” (12).
    • “Raquel gave me her best why is it always me that has to deal with these things sigh (one I was well familiar with at this point), then patted me on the shoulder” (20).
    • “She gave a can I just start shocking him into submission now sort of sigh” (25).

Gaze/Eyes

Aside from the eyes widening, narrowing or lighting up, they tend to do a lot of other things to convey meaning. Although I would NEVER recommend cutting all the eyes (ouch!), watch out for using too many eyes in one scene. Even alternating them with gaze might not work if that’s overused, too.

  • Track the usage: are those gazes/eyes, meeting, avoiding, lowering, falling, etc. too much or in too close proximity?
  • Alternate gaze/eyes—within reason! Don’t describe a gaze with the color of the eyes, etc. (A blue gaze? No.)
  • Try an alternative noun, as long as they’re not overused, too (many of these are on my watch list!): stare, (fixed) look, scrutiny, inspection, regard.
  • Or, if it’s a verb, try an alternate verb (again, many of these are also on my watch list): stare, look (fixedly), gape, goggle, eye, study, scrutinize, ogle, eyeball, observe, view, contemplate, regard, survey, consider, watch, check out, size up.
  • Use a nickname for the eyes, or bring out a character description or personality with them. Perhaps a flirtatious character bats his baby blues.
  • Maybe being more general might help, using the word face or expression.
  • As always, look at the underlying message. How else can you portray that in body language? Hands touching/not touching/pulling away? Physical proximity? Turning toward or away?
  • Consider whether the message might carry more power as a thought or dialogue, if appropriate.

In conclusion

Is this hard work? YES! Is it worth it? We can—well, actually, we probably can’t cite examples of less-than-engaging writing in published books: unless they’re book-throwing bad, we tend to gloss over this boring body language just like we do a lot of other unstellar examples.

I can’t help but believe this level of care, attention and effort pays off in your writing.

Final note: Let me say again that I don’t feel compelled to change every use of everything. I left my share of nods, smiles, and eyebrows in my latest manuscript. If we didn’t use these body parts and actions, our writing probably wouldn’t feel realistic. But now I feel my writing is more engaging because I’ve eliminated the superfluous, meaningless, confusing and repetitive.

What do you think? How do you fix these gesture crutches? Is this worth it?

Photo credits
crutches on orange background—Christian Guthier; “smile”—Andy Hay;
crutches through window—Amy van der Hiel; sigh—Lucy/squacco

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